As anyone who has attended CIMBA knows, the LIFE program is quintessential to the organization’s culture. LIFE (Leadership Initiative For Excellence) is described as a small group, experiential leadership development program . It is two and a half days of extemporaneous public speaking, letting go of inhibitions, opening up to others, and pushing yourself beyond your perceived boundaries. It is an intense experience, to say the least. Most participants go through it once, then use what they learned to shape their future. Whether they look back at the experience with fond memories or PTSD, they do not generally jump at the chance to do it again.
I just finished my third iteration of LIFE. I know, I know – those of you who know what that entails are thinking that I’m crazy. (Not as crazy as the guy who did it twice in 9 months, but crazy nonetheless.) However, all three of these experiences were completely different journeys. First, as an undergraduate student, in my early twenties, without a clear idea of who I was and what I wanted. Second, as an MBA student, with a solid understanding of my own strengths and weaknesses, and a better (though still flexible) vision of my future. Third, on the other side, as a Trainer Assistant during the current CIMBA undergraduate’s program.
LIFE as an undergraduate was pretty terrifying. I knew next to nothing about the program when I began, which is how it’s supposed to be. Participants are meant to be in a cloud of uncertainty the whole time, never knowing what to expect. Scary people told me to do scary things, I put forth my best effort, and I failed again and again. The public speaking parts were the worst for all of us. Hands were shaking, voices were cracking – we were all so concerned about what others thought of us!
That same fear was barely present in the MBA group. At that point, most of us were used to giving speeches and presentations, so talking in front of others was no longer panic-inducing. On the other hand, the activities that required us to let ourselves go – really lose control and relinquish inhibitions – were much harder! It’s like we have trained ourselves to stay composed and keep our emotions contained for so long that we don’t know what to do when we have to release them. Being vulnerable with people I barely knew was also more difficult as an adult. I think at that point I had a lot more baggage than I did 8 years prior, so it was more embarrassing and more painful to bring it to the surface.
The whole LIFE experience from the “dark side” – the trainer’s side – was like flipping over to the opposite side of the coin. I observed the undergrads enduring all of the same things I had endured, and I could see that they were just as anxious as I had been – but from my side, the things that were the most nerve-wracking to do were almost boring to observe. The hardest part was keeping a neutral expression. I couldn’t smile, laugh, or engage with the students at all. And you know, they are really funny sometimes! Worse, sometimes the other trainers would make jokes under their breath to torture me.
But all the torture and hard work was worth it: seeing the attitude and behavior of the students shift so drastically was a rewarding experience. As a participant, changes seem so gradual during those 2.5 day that you might not notice the progress you are making. As a trainer, the improvements are more clear – the potential of each student really stands out as they open themselves up. Now I get to watch those students continue to learn, grow, and apply themselves during their 12-week study abroad experience.
Enduring LIFE at these different levels has given me some valuable insight. It’s comforting to know that the things that are difficult for me now might be a breeze in the future. And that we shouldn’t be concerned with what others think of us, because often they aren’t even paying attention. It’s also important to keep in mind that the people who push us the hardest – the ones who tell us we can do better time and time again – are the people who want the best for us. I’m hoping to be that person for many more students in the future. We’ll see where LIFE takes me!
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